10 Minute

Free-Write I was assigned to do for English class. Kinda like stream of consciousness. Kinda not. Whatever. Here it is:

Free-Write #2
Topic: What do you want to get out of college?

I suppose this is where I begin my rant of sorts of what I'd like to get out of college. As far as I'm concerned, the real question should be "What can you get out of college, exactly?" It's a bit inconsequential, isn't it? What are we really working towards? What am I really working towards? The purpose of highschool is to prepare for four years of college. The purpose of college is to prepare for an average paying job (sometimes not even that). The purpose of having a job is to earn a promotion. It just goes on and on. How fucking boring, really. On a side-note, I hate this free-writing bullshit. Not being able to correct unsatisfactory statements that I write drives me half-way insane (so I'm pretty much completely insane now, seeing as how I'm already half-way insane to begin with). And so the rant continues. As I was saying, I sit here half the time wondering what the point of doing anything is. How existential of me. Life revolves around materialistic gain and materialistic losses. As awesome as that sounds, I'd rather not. Then, the other half of me (yes, I have two halves) protests. It is essential to go to college. It is essential to acquire a high-paying career. You can't accomplish anything you really want to do if you have no funds to support it. And God knows my folks won't comply. But within the time that you work, and work, and work, and work work work to finally be ready to fulfill all those petty ambitions you yearned for in your golden years, you've already given up. You've become comfortable with living in this robotic, (and as much as I hate people who rant about capitalism) capitalist society that chews up and spits out every innocent passersby and their broken dreams. It sounds depressing, and you know what? It is. And you know what's even more gloomy? I don't know what the hell to do about it. I don't agree with the things society tells me I should agree with, yet I'm still along for the ride. Let's see where this gets me. Don't get me wrong, I value education. It's important. Without the education that I've recieved I wouldn't have ever become acquainted with some of my favorite writers. Some of my favorite directors. But the whole university system is fucked up, in my humble opinion. I want to major in Creative Writing, right? And to get where I want to be, I'm required to take a bunch of completely unrelated general education/language (I hate Japanese) classes that have nothing to do with my aspirations. Why? Money. Money money money. It's always about the money. We need to stay in a university as long as we can. We need to take a bunch of pointless fucking classes like Japanese when we have no interest in that subject at all. Two reasons. Like I said, the first is money. The second? To prove to society that we will do pointless shit that makes no sense, just to show that WE ARE WILLING. We are willing to do senseless work that really impacts our own goals in no way at all. We are even willing to pay to do this. Hell, what am I saying? I'm willing, too! Because I can't figure out a way to get out of it yet. And there probably isn't. There will always be the minimum requirements for everything you do in life. We just need to accept it. Ideally, I'd like to write for a magazine. I'd just like to write. A book, maybe? Something. The only people that really get what they want out of life are those who throw everything away to do exactly what it is that they want. And even then, only a fraction of those people achieve their untainted dreams. Everybody else? All of us? We're just along for the ride, always waiting for the next promotion. Always numbing ourselves to the fact that we're not really happy. Either that or you're in a constant state of panic, never knowing what to do with yourself but always feeling trapped inside your own body. Hating yourself for being here. Hating yourself for not even being able to do that properly. So go cry about it. God knows I do. Love yourself if, at least, you realize things for what they are. It might mean your soul isn't completely dead yet. My 10 minutes is up. In conclusion, COLLEGE RULES AND LIFE IS AWESOME.