You

are a non-issue.

Remember

this moment.

I can never seem to fall asleep at a reasonable hour anymore. I spend so much time thinking that nothing ever gets accomplished.

I wish I had someone to balance me out, but I'm all alone. I'm picking my best friend up from the airport tomorrow night. She's visiting for a few days - she always brings me back down to a reasonable level of sanity. Through all the laughing, there's always the fact that she will have to leave after a few short days. There's always the knowing that everyone has to leave. Everyone always leaves.

I never know how I feel about anything anymore. I've lost touch with myself. Am I happy? Am I sad? And that's why I write. Everyone's a writer nowadays, aren't they? Everyone's an artist. Everyone has the desire to be "deep", to be "thoughtful." But for me, writing is a way to try, and try again to understand myself. Like so many attempts to get in touch with an old childhood friend, wondering where they are in their life and how they're feeling - what they're thinking. I constantly write these awkward, somewhat forced letters to myself, but I never get an answer. It's sad. Makes me wanna cry, but what's the point if she doesn't care enough to reply.

I always thought

you couldn't help the way you feel, up until a certain point. You can. Delusion can turn into reality, as long as you don't let anyone in.