three words

"you're fucking beautiful." three words and my dignity flew out of the goddamned window. i meant nothing to you then, and i mean even less to you now. i am nothing, nothing, nothing. i still can't wipe your face away from underneath my eyelids. nothing, and i still can't brush your lips away from underneath my skin. i tried to put the way you touched me into words and there's a small heap of crumpled, loose leaf paper sitting in the corner of my room. that's the best i could do. that's the best i will ever, ever be able to do. and of course, i realized long ago that you're not worth the time of day, but you always did have a way of getting what you wanted from me. just like you have a way of getting what you want from everyone else. i'm a part of "everyone else," and that kills me. it really fucking kills me, you know that? but you couldn't care less. you couldn't possibly care less, could you? i have a photograph imprinted in my mind of you sitting in front of a mirror, practicing and perfecting those carefully chosen phrases- those witty one-liners that are always so effectively delivered and even more ravenously devoured by her. and her. and her. and her. three words and my jeans are dangling on the end of one foot and my dignity is out of sight. you're not worth the time of day, but all the ink i've used in so many fruitless attempts to put you into words swallows the light and spits out blackened rivers back onto my weary hands. you're not worth the time of day but i never really found myself to be a morning person and strangely enough, even in my dreams i find myself crawling back to you on my broken, battered knees. wish fulfillment is a bitch. three words. three simple words and i belong to you, and i'll always belong to you but you will never be mine.

"drag my fingertips up to your lips. to touch those beautiful lies. the taste of deceit has never been so sweet."
weary.

"the corners and edges of every room shrinks in your presence, and i pray to suffocate before air slides down my lungs without you."
weary.

"i am constantly, constantly wondering..."
weary.
it's never enough.

"i can't stop thinking about that night."
weary.
it's never enough.
(i'm never enough.)

if only those three words had been "i love you." would things be different now?