the existence of god(?)

don't read the following if:
1.) you are very easily offended, because this will probably offend you in some way or another.
2.) you are a close-minded christian, because you'll probably think i'm possessed by the devil.
3.) you are a close-minded atheist, because despite all i am a christian and there's a difference between debating and bitching.
4.) you're just stupid, in general because you'll give me a migraine and it's monday so give me a fucking break.

is it really possible to be rational and religious at the same time? i can't even explain in just a few words how much i disdain people whose morals and basic way of living their lives (keyword: their) revolve around strict rules, written scripture, commandments or what else have you because that is exactly what the problem with the world is. it's what the problem with the world always has been. feeble-minded people who are completely and devastatingly susceptible to manipulation.

but then again, is it merely brain-wash or does the majority of the world truly believe that failing to accept a certain religious leader as one's savior will then result in being condemned to eternal damnation? perhaps it's not that they believe it, but they are afraid of the possibility of what may come after the slumber of death *allusion to shakespeare's hamlet.

even while considering a christian's perspective (my own) on the matter of "sin", could you honestly say that it's more sinful to have your own thoughts, beliefs, and ethics outside of whatever book guides you and is a large factor in what shapes you throughout your life as an "individual", and to sometimes disagree with said book, because of the fact that you have somewhat of a mind of your own? or is it really more sinful to be blindly obedient to scripture, solely because you are afraid of death? the life after death? the chance that what lies after death may simply be just that--- death? would god be smiling down upon the thoughtless, yet cowardly machines that make up the greater portion of humanity? i think not.

in a psychological stand point on the matters of religion, heaven, eternal damnation and all that other good stuff, don't environmental factors largely affect one's choices and way of living? *allusion to vygotsky's sociocultural theory. if someone were born into a muslim family, in a dominantly muslim country, we can safely assume that said "someone" will also be muslim, or at least claim to be--- particularly in the earlier years of their life. (for those of you who might be reading this who are completely ignorant, no. i am not being racist. it's called reality).

and what if this "someone" converted their religion to, i don't know, let's say... catholicism? or maybe this someone decided to become a devout athiest, who knows. do you think it would've happened out of nowhere? if you really think that when someone decides to make those types of changes in their life, it has nothing to do with their personal life experiences and/or their surroundings (what they hear everyday, the people they have interacted with throughout their lives, etc.) and if you think that you, your beliefs, and your morals have had or has nothing to do with the environment you grew up in and/or are surrounded in, then you're just tragically inane and i really don't know what to tell you.

my point is that a merciful god would take all of the shit i wrote above into consideration, and i really hope that is the case, because no matter how hard i could try (which i won't) it would be impossible for me to believe that gandhi is presently being tortured with fiery pokers in the underworld while somebody like hitler (who may or may not have been a christian) is up there kicking it with gabriel and the other "homiez". sorry, but that's bullshit and when considering the concrete truth of such a sentiment, it is in no way ethical in the general beliefs of ANY religion (except for maybe laveyan satanism).

no, this isn't me denouncing my religion. it may not seem like it, but i do indeed believe in god. hate me for it, love me for it, but i would rather you not even take that into consideration while you silently judge me as a person. judge me for something viable, like the fact that i can be a psychotic bitch sometimes. forgive me for having thoughts of my own, and for not wanting to glue the pages of the bible underneath my fucking eyelids. forgive me for not being an unhygienic, psuedo-philosophical atheist with a love for anything that is "independent" and "underground", but don't. because i refuse to apologize for my thoughts and my beliefs.

whether you are a christian, muslim, buddhist, satanic, or whatever else, if you seriously are so dependent on your religion that it consumes your entire life than you need to open your eyes and stop getting mindfucked. the question then isn't whether god exists, but if you exist as an intelligent human being. if you're an atheist, and being godfree/godless along with the idea of there being no god affects the way you treat religious people, or makes you think you can be free of basic morals, you need to just quit being a moron and grow the fuck up.

just sayin'.